What is Home?

There are so many great Children's Ministry BLOGS out there, many that I read regularly, and gain insight and ideas from, that the thought of the world needing another blog is kind of silly... but this past year has given me much to think about, reflect upon, and many reasons to grow and stretch, so here goes... my attempt at journaling and reflecting on life as a single mom in Children's Ministry.

I moved away from Southern California about 14 months ago... and even though I am only 2 hours north of where I used to live, it sometimes feels like 2 days away. Bakersfield is very different than Lakewood, Long Beach, Norwalk, Cerritos or any other place I've ever lived. Not to mention how different it is from Atlanta where I spent 12 years. I've never lived anywhere this HOT. (If I hear the words "But it's a dry heat!" one more time..... ) I've never lived anywhere "alone" before, meaning that I came here as a single person without my kids and except for the 3 months my daughter was here with me this past summer, I am on my own. Several people have asked me within the past 6 months "Does it feel like home yet?" That took me back to a conversation I had with my pastor at my 3 month review. I remember very clearly asking him, "When does it start to feel like home?" He chuckled a little bit and said, "Longer than 3 months!" :)


HOME:

** a house, apartment, or other shelter that is the usual residence of a person, family, or household.
**the place in which one's domestic affections are centered.

So now, as I approach the 1 year + 3 month mark, I have been reflecting on what makes a place feel like home, especially for those in ministry.

1. If you ONLY go to your office and church functions every day and then go home by yourself and repeat that pattern 5 days a week, then it won't feel like home... it will feel like a hamster on a wheel.
2. If you ONLY hang out with people from the place you are serving/ working, even if it's outside of the work environment it has a strange "twilight zone" sort of feeling.... like you just took work somewhere else but it's still work.
3. If you don't get to know any of your neighbors, the community people, etc. it won't feel like home.
4. I'm also leaning toward the belief that if you don't have ANY family nearby, and are somewhere totally on your own, even if you love the people, have made great friends, and enjoy what you're doing, it still might not feel like home.

I love my little house in Bakersfield. I love to decorate, rearrange things, and figure out where to put things. I love dreaming of the next thing I will purchase, make, or find to make it exactly how I want it to be. I also love the fact that because I live by myself right now, my house stays CLEAN! If I go to bed at night with a clean kitchen and an empty sink, lo and behold, the kitchen is still clean when I wake up in the morning! There is very little laundry (compared to former days), no oneb is asking me what's for dinner, and I don't feel guilty that I haven't gone to the grocery store for several weeks because there is still ham, tuna, or toaster waffles in the house. (and coffee). But outside of liking my house, is it really home? It's not the place my kids grew up. It's not the place full of memories of past holidays. It's not the place that people gather for laughter, movie and popcorn nights, lingering dinner parties at the dining room table, or even, someday in the future.... where grandchildren come to spend the night with Grammy.

For now, it's a place of refuge after a long stressful day in the office, or a day spent in ministry where I gave 120% and have nothing left to give.

My advice?
** Sign up for something, like a Bible study at another church, an exercise class, a ceramics class, a college course, or SOMETHING that is completely separated from your job or ministry.
** Force yourself to leave work at a normal hour and do something for yourself besides taking work home with you. (a hobby, a dinner date or a movie with a friend.)
** Schedule these things ahead of time, because if you don't, they won't happen and you'll be stuck on that hamster wheel of home/work/home/work/home and won't have any joy!
**Stop focusing on yourself and focus on the needs around you. Volunteer in an area that is NOT Children's Ministry related! (I could write pages on that, so I think I'll save that for another post.)
**Enter into life with a small group and be vulnerable. Don't talk about work or ministry. Share about YOU! Let people inside of YOU! You are a PERSON that God created with passion, likes, dislikes, humor, quirks, etc. You are a human BEING, not a human DOING. Don't just use your small group, or your group of friends outside of your ministry as a time to recruit volunteers for your ministry! If you do that too often, people will run when they see you coming! That's not really the goal here.

I haven't really decided whether or not Bakersfield feels like "home" yet, but that's ok. It's still a great place, full of wonderful people, and God is at work here. This is where He wants me, this is where He is using me, and this is where He is growing me to be the person He wants me to be.

Bye for now!
Carol